11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
