I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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