I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Randomize
