Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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