Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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