My cat gives me a boner
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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