i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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