i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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