so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
