she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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