We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
