I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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