U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Randomize
