My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
