I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
