i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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