i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
