I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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