i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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