I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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