biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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