There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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