toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
