:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We left the knife in your bed.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize
