She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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