Tell her she can't have a vagina
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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