Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
