A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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