i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
