ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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