you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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