I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
He kissed a someone with a penis
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
