I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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