She is in my trunk
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize