I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
