I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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