Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
