youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize