This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
