Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
