if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
