Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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