in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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