false alarm. still invincible.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
