i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Randomize
