google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
