Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
