How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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