so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize