Your face is a jimmy john
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
