I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
