Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
