It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
