i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
