those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
