ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
