I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
