K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
The beer is more important than you right now.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Will exercising make me less horny?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize