If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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