He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
