my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
