it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
