my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Randomize
