Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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