Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
