once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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