I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
