you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
