I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
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