Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
