Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
