She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Randomize
