john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
