If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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