Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
