jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
