Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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