I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Randomize