she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
