I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
