i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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