Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
