it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
