I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
