If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
