did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
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