Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Then you guys just all showered together...?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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