Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
