How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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