wakey wakey hands off snakey
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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