Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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