just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
