Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Randomize
