So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
