Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
