i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
