just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you're hired as official boob wrangler
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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